


all my bones are begging me to beg for you

by elainebarrish



Category: Big Little Lies (TV), Big Little Lies - Liane Moriarty
Genre: F/F, OT5, Polyamory, Slow Burn, hooooooo boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-03 02:33:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11522697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elainebarrish/pseuds/elainebarrish
Summary: She loves them all, loves them in different ways, loves them in a way that makes her palms sweat and her tummy flip, loves them in a way that feels like warmth, like some kind of happiness, like that intangible thing that she's been searching for all this time, all her life, this thing that she remembers from a time Before. She never thought she'd experience this, never thought she'd experience so much of it at once, never thought her life would be made complete by these women, never thought that anything could ever end up like this.





	all my bones are begging me to beg for you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [helenecixous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/helenecixous/gifts).



> OK SO HOOO BOY. i wrote this in a week. i wrote 11k of this in this one awake period bc i've been awake for like. 30 hours ? i've never written that much at once, and betsy, god bless her, my life line, my future wife, etc etc proofread like the first 12k but everything after that is unseen and im on my fourth can of energy drink so who knows if it's even legible at the end. anyway it's my new longest fic. do u know how hard it is 2 get five ppl together. do u.
> 
> EDIT: ALSO betsy basically came up w the plot for the last 8k + me + tori came up w the plot like kinda between us for like. the bit before that ? basically i spoke aloud 2 tori + she gave input lmao
> 
> ok title from begging - dua lipa bc i listened to that album for like the first 9k of this lmao
> 
> ALSO discussion of canon events so tw/// for basically everything in the show/book. ive kind of combined them again so. this isn't really complete canon for either

Jane is something. She thinks it might be happy, she thinks it might be whatever she feels when Madeline shoots her a smile across a table or a crowded room, what she feels whenever Celeste absentmindedly slips an arm around her shoulders and she almost doesn’t flinch. The answering tightening of her muscles is something she accepts, even though sometimes she wishes she didn’t need to, but it’s not that whole body flinch that she never stopped being surprised by, that flinch that made it clear that she knew how violent people could be, that she’d experienced that violence first hand.

 

Jane thinks that whatever she feels must have to be something like recovery, but she’s too scared to hope that she could maybe stay this kind of good for any amount of time. She knows that this is forever, that the flashbacks and the pain and the constant awareness, the self-consciousness, the fear that she thought would have been mitigated by Perry’s death. She thought that that would have lead to some sort of change, would have given her the closure that she was sure she desperately needed, but now she just realises that she never got to ask him, never got to question  _ why _ , never received the answers that she needed but that wouldn’t have been satisfying, whatever the answers would have been. She knows that nothing can be done, but she aches with the feeling of something unfinished. So she just tries to stop flinching at loud noises, tries to concentrate on Ziggy and work and these four women that she loves. 

 

She sees divorces and housewarming parties and they all take it one day at a time. Celeste gains everything after his death, and sometimes they both agree quietly that this was the best way that this could have ended. Neither of them have to be scared anymore, and the tears all five of them shed at the funeral are real, though Celeste is the only one that cries for Perry, cries for the father of her children, the man that she viewed as ill, the one that threw her across the bathroom on the morning of his death.

 

Jane, somehow, continues to live, continues to try to remember what living felt like in the great Before, but she remembers Ziggy wasn’t there, wonders how she ever lived without him, wonders what the point was when she didn’t have to fight him into his clothes every morning, when she didn’t have to chase him around their tiny house to convince him into the bath, both of them breathless with laughter. She sees the others, even when she really doesn’t want to, and the ability to ask for help somehow makes asking even harder, makes it impossible sometimes. When that happens she just tries to remember the evenings when they’ve all tried to cram into her sitting room, where she’s had to pull out the bed so that there’s enough space for them all to sit, and someone’s thrown a bag of popcorn at her and someone else has thrown Legally Blonde on and Madeline has spent the entire night talking about how she’s a dead ringer for Reese Witherspoon (Renata tells her that she doesn’t see it, but you know that she just likes winding her up). They have to whisper because Ziggy’s asleep, but in all honesty it’s not that late, Renata even says so as she lets out a huge yawn that sets them all off. Those nights, the one where she’d told Madeline that she didn’t really want to be alone, the ones where she says that she’s just so  _ tired _ and it’s  _ not fair _ , and she doesn’t know if she can do this anymore. She always regrets it, when she tells her, because all she can think is that there’s nothing any of them can do, that they’re just delaying the inevitable, but when there’s people there she almost forgets, even as the guilt gnaws at her, even as she’s immensely glad that no one asks what’s wrong.

 

Sometimes they all troop over to Celeste’s immense house, that she swears she’s going to sell because of bad memories, but she hasn’t managed to even put it on the market yet, hasn’t started even absently looking for a new place. They all bring their kids because there’s enough space in her house for all of their extended families to visit at once, and Jane smiles at the thought of that Thanksgiving. Someone puts The Bounty Hunter on because Celeste has always liked Jennifer Aniston and none of them watch it, they just talk over each other and the TV and sprawl across her pristine sofas. Renata’s always the first one to accidentally fall asleep, head lolling onto someone’s shoulder, surprisingly quiet in sleep, and when Jane starts to nod off too they usually call it a night, and Jane fights an offer to stay, because she knows that she wishes someone would for her, but she doesn’t know how to ask or how to offer, and she doesn’t think any of the others do either.

 

They’re all naturally tactile, all of them, and Jane thought that her flinched, that them finding out what happened to her, that that would stop them because they’d be scared, of upsetting her, or of something else, scared of touching her for the reasons that her brain screams at her late at night. It doesn’t. Their hugs and kisses on the cheek and casual shoulder touches, Madeline leaning forward and touching her arm with a smile, Renata leaning close to whisper something, her hair brushing across Jane’s cheek, her hand resting on her shoulder, Celeste wrapping an arm around her shoulders, Bonnie squeezing her hand under the table when she tunes out. They’re the touches she lives for, the ones that she’s sustained by. She hadn’t realised she was starved for physical contact, hadn’t realised how much she wanted other than Ziggy to treat her like she wasn’t some kind of terrified animal, like she wasn’t broken. She remembers telling Madeline that she feels like she’s waking back up, but it’s like she’s opening up to these women, like she’s rediscovering things she didn’t realise she was missing through getting to know them, and sometimes she wonders if that’s unhealthy, to associate so much of her good with these people, but everyone needs support, she tells herself, but that doesn’t stop her thoughts, doesn’t stop her from sometimes wondering what would happen if she curled up against Madeline, what would happen if she kissed Renata one of the times she leaned too close.

 

She doesn’t know how this works, how falling in love with a group of people goes. She thinks that if it were just Celeste it would make sense, because everyone talks about her like she’s a kind of beautiful that the others are not (she doesn’t understand this personally, doesn’t understand a world where anyone could see Celeste as more beautiful than Madeline). Bonnie is the kind of beautiful that Madeline scoffs at because she’s jealous, because she’s just  _ young _ and does a lot of yoga. Renata makes her heart skip, always has done, but she doesn’t think that she loves her any differently. She loves them all, loves them in a way that makes her chest ache, in a way that makes her blush and struggle to look up at Maddie, in a way that makes her freeze when Renata gets too close, when Celeste’s hand accidentally brushes hers while they’re walking, loves them in a way that makes her tummy flip when Bonnie shoots her that one smile, the one that’s almost a smirk. She’s used to this, because the lines between romantic and platonic have never seemed clear to her when it came to best friends, when it came to the breadth and depth of being close with other women, but she has somewhat forgotten that it could happen, had forgotten what  _ trust _ felt like

 

Jane’s too comfortable, too pleased, legs in Madeline’s lap, glass of wine in hand, sprawled across Renata’s sofa, almost leaning on Celeste, whose arm is behind her across the sofa, Bonnie and Renata curled up on her other side, Renata absentmindedly rubbing Celeste’s arm. You all have a glass of wine, and it’s Ed’s weekend with Chloe, who just happens to have arranged a sleepover for tonight, leaving you all kid free (barring emergencies) until noon tomorrow (hopefully). By the time the episode of whatever it is Madeline found on Netflix has finished Jane’s basically relaxed into Celeste, who had simply wrapped her arm around her, something which Jane definitely did notice happen, even if she’s not sure when she ended up with her head on her chest. She’s glad for Renata’s insistence that to truly enjoy something it has to be dark in the room, because it means that no one can see that she’s flushed, too flushed for not having finished her first glass of wine. She hates that she feels completely alert, like she’s aware of everywhere her and Celeste are touching, that she’s aware of Madeline’s legs under hers, her arms resting on her shins, wine glass held loosely just past them. She wonders if Renata feels the same, if she’s hyper aware of her body next to Celeste’s, unknowing that Renata is experiencing similar panic about Bonnie, that Renata can feel her leaning against her, can feel her cheeks heat, that she’s blaming herself for sitting next to her, then reasoning that the lines are blurred with all of them, that her tummy jumps when she least expects it, that sometimes the most ridiculous cliché things happens and she enjoys it, like her hand brushing Jane’s or Celeste putting a hand on her back to steady her, like Madeline meeting her eyes with a smile through a crowd. 

 

They all watch the credits for what feels like a very, very long moment, and then the autoplay kicks in, but Madeline finds the remote and flips back onto the menu page, sighing.

 

“None of us watched that, did we?” she asked, laughing, and there were some grumbles of affirmation, no protests against her changing it.

 

“So what are we gonna watch then?” Renata asks, and Maddie rolls her eyes.

 

“Well I was all for Bride Wars and then you decided it was out.”

 

“I just am not a huge fan of Anne Hathaway before about 2014.” 

 

“What about in The Devil Wears Prada?” Madeline demands, and Jane looks up at Celeste who’s rolling her eyes at both of them, exchanges a smile with her.

 

“Meryl Streep carries that film, honestly.” 

 

“I can’t believe it’s going to come to blows over Anne Hathaway,” Celeste murmurs with a smile, and Renata and Madeline almost settle, but the others just ignore them, ignore their squabbling. That’s just how they get along, and Jane would almost call it flirting if it wasn’t for how sure she is that both of them have never seriously considered being anything other than straight. Bonnie’s the only one that she gets any kind of vibe from, and that could just be the hippie front, the acceptance of “alternative lifestyles”, but then again Celeste is so mysterious that she could have an ex-girlfriend hiding in her past somewhere. 

 

Madeline continues flicking through Netflix dispassionately, and Bonnie refills all of their wine glasses.

 

“Sooo… Anyone done anything fun recently?” Jane asks, grinning up at Celeste, being as awkward as possible, grin widening when Celeste laughs, laughing when Renata leans around her to shove Jane lightly. 

 

“You know that we don’t do anything without each other,” Renata says, shrugging.

 

“Just thought I’d ask, see if any of you have any hot dates coming up or anything,” Jane teases.

 

“I actually almost went on a date with someone I met while volunteering at the soup kitchen the other day, but she cancelled last minute,” Bonnie volunteers, almost absentmindedly, like she didn’t think about it, and they all turn to face her with raised eyebrows and emerging grins.

 

“But you’re with Nathan!” Maddie splutters, and she shrugs, picking a spec of lint off of Renata’s jeans.

 

“We’re open.”

 

“So you just… date whoever you want while staying together?” Renata asks, eyes wide, like she’d never heard of the concept before.

 

“Basically,” Bonnie shrugs. “We know we love each other, but a lot of people have too much love they want to offer, their hearts can’t stick to one person forever. Monogamy is extremely outdated, and now, when people are discovering new ways to live their lives, it seems unnecessary.”

 

“It definitely would solve a lot of issues that people experience, would stop a lot of divorces,” Celeste says, shrugging.

 

“It’s just about honesty, about trust. We don’t lie, we ask each other what we’re comfortable with, and we communicate.”

 

“How did you convince Nathan into that?” Maddie asks, her skepticism painted all over face.

 

“I told him that this was who I am, that if he loved me he would accept that I’m not monogamous. It took time, but now I think he’s glad for it. Everyone needs different things from different people in their lives, no one person can give you everything.” 

 

“Okay, but backtrack a second - you’re bi?” Jane interrupts, trying not to grin.

 

“I’d rather not label myself, I’ve never found it to be helpful, but if I had to I’d probably choose pansexual.”

 

Jane nods, almost laughing. “I thought so, but I thought I was just being blindsided by -” she pauses, trying to describe her hippiness without causing offence. “Your openness, I guess.” 

 

“I think everyone has the ability to love anyone, regardless of gender or the preconceived notions society puts upon us,” she nods, in a way that almost looks wise, and Madeline has to fight really hard not to roll her eyes.

 

“If we’d have not been monogamous I wouldn’t have needed to divorce Gordon,” Renata laughs.

 

“But he still betrayed your trust, which is something that he shouldn’t have done to you, regardless of whether you were monogamous or not.”

 

“You’re much better better off without him, I mean, his secretary? I thought he hated clichés,” Maddie agrees, and Renata laughs.

 

“So you can just fuck whoever you want?” Celeste asks, grinning, after a short moment of quiet.

 

“Celeste!” Maddie chides with a grin, pretend shocked.

 

“Essentially, yes, but it’s more about being able to connect with people, being able to show my love for people in whatever way I choose.”

 

“Are there, like, rules? Like about falling in love or relationships or whatever?” Jane asks, frowning.

 

“We just discuss it, see what we’re both comfortable with. I have been in a lengthy relationship with someone at the same time as Nathan before, though.”

 

“And he didn’t get jealous?” Renata asks, interested. “Surely your attention being split between two people would mean that he would see you less or would feel like he had to compete for your affection?”

 

“It can be like that if one person in the relationship is monogamous, but if you both have more than one partner then you’re not relying solely on one person to fulfill that area of needs for you.”

 

“So if you really want to spoon then there’s always someone available?” Jane asks, laughing, and Bonnie smiles.

 

“Exactly. Even if your primary partner, if you have one, is busy, you have other options.”

 

There’s silence for a moment, and then Renata laughs. “That honestly doesn’t sound like a half bad idea.” 

 

Celeste nods slowly. “I can certainly see the benefits.”

 

“Does this mean that you’re all going to get five boyfriends?” Maddie laughs.

 

“Maybe a boyfriend  _ and _ a girlfriend,” Celeste teases, and the others laugh, and no one needs to know that she’s seriously thinking about it.

 

“Considering that two of you just got divorced I think men might be finished with,” Jane jokes, looking up at Celeste and trying not to think about how if she just sat up, if she just raised herself up a little, she’d be able to kiss her, keeps a careless smile on her face and her eyes firmly on hers.

 

“Well, I don’t think men are completely over,” Maddie tries. “I thought you and Tom were still seeing each other?” she taps Jane’s leg and raises her eyebrows, as though this proves her point, and Jane shrugs.

 

“We still hang out but it’s like, there’s no spark, you know?” She doesn’t add that she knows what real butterflies feel like, that she experiences them regularly, that what she has with Tom could never even pretend to compete with what she’s feeling right now, sat in this room.

 

“The elusive spark, that which has ended many a potential relationship,” Renata agrees wisely, laughing.

 

“I can’t believe the one of that’s married is the one having the most luck in her love life,” Maddie complains, and picks up the remote once again, flicking through films with renewed determination.

 

Renata gets outvoted on Bride Wars, and she falls asleep during it anyway, head half on the soft back and half on Celeste’s shoulder, and Jane thinks Bonnie might be asleep next to her, tiny against Renata’s lanky frame, tiny in a way that makes Jane want to protect her. Madeline doesn’t need the same protection, regardless of height, because she would fight a wall if she thought it had wronged her somehow. Celeste isn’t fragile, she’s just so ethereal that it can trick you into thinking she is, and Jane catches herself wishing that she’d get to watch her in court, at work where she’s focused and grounded and she has all of the facts. Celeste is always confident, but there’s a part of her where she only feels comfortable when she can prove her intelligence, a part of her that fights this view that surrounds her of being an extremely lifelike ornament, that because she’s beautiful and easily distracted she’s not smart. She chances a look up at her, and Celeste meets her gaze with a small smile, one she doesn’t recognise, her eyes reflecting the light from the TV. Jane sinks further into her embrace, and Celeste’s arm instinctively tightens around her, and she doesn’t feel choked by it, doesn’t feel anything but warmth as she links her fingers through Celeste’s, holding hands against her sternum.

 

Jane wakes up in a familiar bed, and as she rolls over she’s glad to note that Maddie’s still asleep (Celeste may have an enormous house but she doesn’t quite have four guest bedrooms). Whenever Jane shares with one of them she worries that she’ll wake them up because she’s having a nightmare, that she’ll thrash in her sleep, that she’ll accidentally hurt them, that she’ll wake up with tears on her face. She doesn’t remember having one, the first night in a while that that’s been the case, and that allows her to sink back into the pillows with a smile, sighing contentedly, looking at Maddie’s little frown, the concentration on her face even in sleep, and she thinks that she’s probably having a dream, probably dreaming about trying to arrange some sort of party for three hundred very important guests or something, and she resists the urge to brush some stray hair out of her face, resists the urge to move closer for no reason other than to be close to her.

 

Renata wakes up in Celeste’s bed (mostly due to the bed in the study only being a single, and having Bonnie curled up in the middle of it). She wakes up to her hair in her face and knees tucked in behind Celeste’s, to her arm wrapped around her waist with Celeste’s hand resting on top of hers. She nuzzles closer, presses a kiss to her pale neck, then another, and another, and Celeste leans back into her, smiling.

 

She wakes up again to Celeste almost touching her, turned away from her, Renata’s knee almost touching her thigh, her hair on Renata’s pillow. It takes her an extended moment to relocate herself within time, within this space, to realise that that was a dream, that she didn’t wake up to that, has never woken up to that. She lies frozen, scared to accidentally touch Celeste, scared to wake her up and have to face her. She takes a deep breath, thinks about whether to climb out of bed, considers hiding in the bathroom until it’s time to leave, considers just sneaking out right now, like she’d done something wrong, like something had happened, and then she tells herself to calm down, that it’ll be fine. She has to act normal for a few hours, she can do that. She concentrates on Celeste’s slow, even breathing, concentrates on something other than how much she wants to shuffle forward, how much she wants to brush her hair to the side and make her dream a reality. When Celeste wakes up she’s dozing again, has basically forgotten what she was worried about, but when Celeste rolls over, and stretches, and while still half-asleep she bumps into her, and Renata has to stop herself from breathing in, like she’s been punched in the stomach. She blinks her eyes open, sees Celeste stretched out, smiling, eyes half mast, and she gets struck all over again by her, like she does every time Celeste turns to her, like she always did even when they didn’t know each other, when Celeste was just another one of the mums at school.

 

“What time is it?” she asks, but she’s already settling back, already looks as though she’s ready to fall straight back to sleep, and Renata wants to remember the gravelly early morning quality of her voice forever.

 

“I have no idea,” she mutters, rolling over to retrieve her phone, seeing that it’s already 10am, which is the latest she’s been able to stay in bed in what feels like years. “It’s 10am.”

 

Celeste grins, stretching her arms above her head. “I love weekends,” she murmurs, burying her face into her white sheets, and Renata tries not to think about how personal waking up next to someone is, tries not to think about how blue Celeste’s eyes are. “I’ve been so busy at work recently, I’ve got so many cases on the go.”

 

“The meetings just never end, huh?” Renata smiles and Celeste laughs, looking at her where she lays on back, where she’s trying to pretend like they’re having this conversation anywhere other than in bed on a lazy Sunday morning.

 

“Something like that,” she sighs. “It’s like clients never seem to understand that I’m trying to do what’s best for them? They just sabotage themselves constantly,” she laughed. “I’m so glad I’m not a defence attorney, that seems even worse.”

 

“I can’t even imagine,” Renata laughs. “I just have to attempt to stop my colleagues from burning down the building every time I’m away for longer than a couple of hours.”

 

“Yeah they don’t seem to cope particularly well when you’re not there,” Celeste pauses, eyeing her for a moment before she says: “I always kind of assumed that was because you were kind of a perfectionist, if I’m honest.”

 

“Hey, if I had employees that I could trust then I wouldn’t need to check on every little thing like I do presently. And there’s loads of things that happen that I don’t have anything to do with.”

 

“I’m sure there is,” Celeste says, smiling, and Renata rolls her eyes because she knows that she doesn’t believe her.

 

“Do you think the others are up yet?” she changes the topic, not bothering to press it further, not bothering to fight on something that she knows that Celeste is probably right about.

 

“I’m sure Bonnie’s already meditated and had her morning green tea,” Celeste says with a smile, and Renata moves to get out of bed. “Nooo, let’s pretend we’re still asleep, take advantage of the quiet while we’ve still got it.”

 

Renata laughs, shaking her head as she rolls to face her. “They’re gonna come looking for us,” she points out and Celeste shrugs.

 

“When they do we’ll just convince them a lie-in is exactly what we all need.”

 

There’s a few moments of silence, moments of them shifting to get comfortable, Renata sighing and wriggling.

 

“I don’t even know how to enjoy spending time not doing anything,” she complains, and Celeste reopens her eyes.

 

“Come on, you were dozing when I woke up,” she tries, and Renata narrows her eyes.

 

“How did you even know?” 

 

“You weren’t snoring.”

 

“Excuse me, I don’t snore!” she shoves Celeste lightly, who leans back with a grin, laughing as she nudges her back.

 

“I hate to break it to you, but when you’re deeply asleep you definitely do.”

 

“I do not!”

 

“You do!”

 

They’re both giggling as they argue back and forth, still laughing when Bonnie peeks her head around the door. “I didn’t realise you two were awake.”

 

They both jump, like they’d been doing something they shouldn’t have been, like something about their bickering and warm grins wasn’t allowed, like they had a reason to be guilty, like something was about to happen. But then Celeste waves Bonnie in and Renata moves up so she can sit at the end, and tries not to show her surprise when Bonnie gets under the covers and lies down next to her.

 

“I’m glad you guys were up,” she says, and there’s something careful about it, as she looks at her hand tracing a pattern on the mattress. “None of us really know how to spend time not doing anything, huh?”

 

“Not when we’ve spent the last ten years busy,” Renata says lightly, but she recognises Bonnie’s tone, knows she’s maybe a little long stewing in her own thoughts, and she doesn’t think as she reaches out, as she rubs her shoulder protectively, doesn’t stop to consider anything other than that Bonnie is beautiful and hurting and her panic in the face of her own feelings has nothing to do with anything, isn’t important in the face of how Bonnie feels. She rolls onto her back, opens her arms for her, and Bonnie carefully shuffles into the space she’s created, resting her head on her shoulder, arm wrapping around her waist, and Renata squeezes her tightly, a vague thought in the back of her mind wishing that she’d already brushed her teeth. Celeste reaches over her to rub Bonnie’s shoulder, and Renata’s glad that she has something to concentrate on other than their closeness.

 

They get distracted by Jane and Maddie poking their heads around the door, and Celeste notes Madeline’s raised eyebrows, but she doesn’t make a comment. 

 

“Hey I can’t believe you guys are cuddling and you didn’t invite us!” Jane says, hoping she sounds casual, trying not to sound like there’s a part of her that’s desperate for it, laughing when Celeste throws out her arms to invite Jane onto her side of the bed, and she pulls Madeline towards the bed with her, not concentrating on her hand in hers. Jane copies Bonnie, settling her head back on Celeste’s shoulder, imitating last night, and Madeline huffs, eyeing the bed critically. She did always love being the center of attention, she muses as she scrambles up the middle, settling under the covers between Celeste and Renata, her face smug as the others laugh.

 

“I hope someone intends to bring me breakfast now,” she says, wiggling to make it clear how comfortable she is, duvet pulled up to her chin.

 

“Get Ed to bring breakfast with him when he drops the kids off,” Celeste suggests, a mischievous edge to her smile, and Madeline’s excited face makes it immediately clear how much she loves that idea.

 

“Oooh I should text him and get him to bring croissants!” she exclaims, pulling her phone out of her pocket.

 

“That wouldn’t be very nice of you,” Bonnie chides, but she’s laughing too. 

 

“Only because you know he’d do it.”

 

They don’t get croissants, mostly because Ed has to put five kids in his people carrier and didn’t want to stop anywhere with them (Nathan picks up Skye from Ed’s, and she receives a message saying Skye’s home right before Ed uploads a picture of all of the kids grinning in the back of the car onto Facebook). The arrival of the kids means returning to their usual lives, which in their case means last minute homework and washing their gym kit and making sure everything’s ready for school the next day. Renata’s already taken at least five work calls, and Celeste’s been flicking through some case files and furtively responding to work emails because she knows that if Madeline sees her she’ll scold her for working on a Sunday. When Chloe starts talking about a project that’s going to include the involvement of papier maché that’s the final straw, and the kids stand around impatiently while the adults spend at least twenty minutes saying goodbye to each other.

 

“Maybe you should introduce group hugs,” Chloe suggests to Madeline when they get into the car. “It would save time.”

 

“You know that’s not actually a bad idea,” she says, and her mind wonders a little, wonders towards this idea of them as a group, wonders towards what Bonnie was talking about last night, about dating more than one person at a time. She thinks that maybe that would make sense, somehow, for them, but then she tells Chloe to put her seatbelt on and puts it out of her mind, puts any kind of ideas around dating out of her mind, already trying to remember where she left her papier maché tshirt.

 

There’s a long, long period where they all avoid school functions. First there’s Perry, then they continue to have the excuses of divorces, and then when it’s been long enough they all just mysteriously can’t find a babysitter. It’s Jane who suggests they actually go, to a random fundraiser with a desperately overused James Bond theme, and they’re all surprised but they’re amenable.

 

“All of the other moms hate us anyway, might as well go and get drunk and raise some money,” Maddie says with a smile, and Celeste nods.

 

“Maybe a night out would be a good idea,” she says, voice soft, and Jane smiles because she thought she’d have to convince her, because she thinks that they’re ready. “We’ll just have to avoid those back stairs,” she says, smiling, voice stronger, and Jane’s answering smile is huge.

 

Jane almost regrets it when Madeline starts costume shopping, when she starts trying to decide which Bond girl she wants to go as. She spends hours trawling through google and trying to find the specific designer of a specific dress. There’s talk of Halle Berry’s orange bikini, but Jane axes that immediately, not wanting Maddie to be fending off thirsty admirers all night, wanting to be able to look at her without blushing, wanting to not have to count herself within that list of thirsty admirers.

 

“You know as a kid I always wanted to be Bond,” Jane says absentmindedly, clicking through some pictures of Sean Connery’s Bond with random women in tow.

 

Maddie laughs, shrugging. “Didn’t we all, honestly?” She’s still deep into the recesses of trawling the part of the internet where people attempted to recreate classic film wardrobes, and after a long moment what Jane said percolates fully through her brain. Then suddenly she looks up, making eye contact with Celeste, and the slow grins that spread over their faces are more than a little terrifying.

 

“You should go as Bond!” she announces and Celeste is nodding, smiling at her, and Jane just laughs.

 

“No way would everyone else be happy with that! You know that most of the other moms are some of the most conservative people around here, they just think that they’re hiding it well because they voted for Hillary.”

 

“But it would make such a statement,” Maddie continues, still grinning. “Anyway I need a Bond to match my Bond girl.”

 

Jane laughs, almost blushing. “So you just want me to do it so you can say “screw you” to the other moms?”

 

“No! Well that’s not the only reason. Come on, you’d look great in a tux, wouldn’t she Celeste?”

 

Celeste laughs, holding her hands up in surrender. “I’m not getting involved, but -” she continues before Maddie can bring out her full pout. “She’s right.”

 

“You really wanna be my Bond girl?” Jane asks, biting her lip to keep from smiling.

 

“I really really do,” Maddie replies, leaning across the table, eyes wide as she tries to convince her through the power of pouting alone, knowing that it always works on Jane, just like it always works on Celeste, just like it always works on most people.

 

“Fine,” she relents. “On one condition.”

 

“Anything,” Maddie says as seriously as she can, grinning.

 

“No white tuxedo jackets.”

 

“Okay, white’s out. I can work with that.”

 

They get cornered by Harper after school one day, the five of them laughing about that one barista in Starbucks that hits on Renata every time she goes in, even as Madeline scolds her for betraying Blue Blues, saying something about Tom’s coffee being better and the need to support independent local businesses (Bonnie almost looks impressed).

 

“I heard that you five are going to the fundraiser?” she strarts, and they all turn to her as one, unconsciously closing ranks, even as they all put on their politest smiles.

 

“Hi Harper. Yes we are.” Renata’s all smiles, even though she can’t help the way that her body language betrays her, the way that she stands straighter and moves a little, as though she wants to put herself between Harper and the others.

 

“There’s an auction, just a little fun, where parents can sell dates with themselves to raise money, and since you’re some of our most eligible bachelorettes I thought you might want to put your names down? It’s for a good cause?”

 

“I’ll do it if it’ll help raise money?” Bonnie offers, and Harper raises an eyebrow.

 

“Shouldn’t you, uhm, check in with your husband before you volunteer?”

 

Maddie rolls her eyes and Jane almost laughs, but Bonnie stays as cool as usual, as though she didn’t even notice, shrugging and smiling sweetly. “If it’s for charity he won’t mind. We try to give as much as we can.”

 

“Well, thank you so much! I’ll put your name down. Anyone else up for it?” 

 

“Me and Celeste will do it, won’t we, Celeste?” Maddie says forcefully, impulsively, and Celeste sighs but nods.

 

“I suppose we will,” she concedes, rolling her eyes. 

 

“Excellent! Jane?” Harper tries, but she’s already shaking her head.

 

“Ah, uhm, no, thanks. It’s not really my sort of thing,” she manages, and Harper doesn’t press, and Jane feels like she doesn’t breathe again until she turns her eyes to Renata.

 

“Okay, that’s fine. Renata?”

 

“Well I guess if Maddie and Celeste are prepared to do it then you can put my name down too,” she says, and Maddie laughs.

 

“I’m totally going to raise more money than you,” she challenges, and Harper slinks off while they’re smirking at each other.

 

Maddie insists on a tailor, insists on Jane’s tux being perfect, and she excuses the expense with it being her idea, with it being her fault, with Jane being able to wear it for any formal event that ever happens afterwards. Jane’s tempted to just go buy a cheap blazer and throw on some black skinnies, but she knows what Monterey’s like, knows that everyone else will have gone all out on costumes, knows that even if Celeste and Renata won’t spill on what they’re wearing it’ll be incredible and expensive and she’ll be staring at them all night. Madeline just says something about a dress, something vague about it being a surprise and something even more vague about it definitely being Bond inspired.

 

So she goes to the tailors, lives through one of the most awkward experiences of her life, and Madeline promises that it’ll be ready in time for the party. She tells her that she’ll pay her back for it, and Maddie just shakes her head, and tells her that it’s an investment, that she’s gotta make sure she has something suitable for Jane to wear home to meet her parents, and winks, and Jane can’t do much more than splutter in response, biting her lip to hide her grin as she sits at Madeline’s kitchen island with a beer, ducking her head as her cheeks redden.

 

“Wait so if you’re going with Jane, and Bonnie’s going with Nathan, then surely it would make sense for me and Renata to go together?” Celeste asks Madeline, over dinner, into the silence of everyone devouring the food that Madeline had ordered from the local Thai place.

 

“Is that you asking me, because you need to improve your technique,” Renata interjects, laughing, Celeste smiling.

 

“Well if we go together one of us is going to have to wear a suit,” she points out, and Renata pretends to think.

 

“Which one of us is taller?” she asks, and Celeste shakes her head.

 

“Would you want to wear a suit? Because I already have my dress.”

 

“I could do that,” Renata says, smiling. “I guess it’s a date then.”

 

“I knew you’d never say no.”

 

“What if they actually think we’re dating?” Jane asks later, while Maddie’s picking a movie and Renata’s topping up their wine glasses.

 

“Are you trying to say you’d be embarrassed to be seen with me?” Maddie teases, and Jane laughs.

 

“That’s definitely what I’m saying,” Jane says, straight faced, and Maddie shoves her, laughing.

 

“Personally I’d be honoured if anyone thought that I was dating Celeste,” Renata says with a smile, and Jane laughs, offering a kind of sarcastic “aww”.

 

“Yeah well we’d all be honoured to even be considered to be dating Celeste,” Maddie says, waving her hand through the air like it doesn’t matter. “That’s not what I was asking.”

 

“Of course I wouldn’t be embarrassed,” Jane says, rolling her eyes. “None of us would be embarrassed, right?”

 

There’s a chorus of “course not”s, but Renata shrugs. “Depends what she wears to the fundraiser.”

 

Maddie throws a cushion at her.

 

Celeste won’t tell her what she’s wearing, Maddie won’t tell her either, Bonnie shrugs and says that she’s going “simple” and all she gets out of Renata is that it’s not a dress. She thinks Renata will probably go for a tux, something that emphasises her ridiculously long legs, something streamlined and professional, and Jane doesn’t even know what her own tuxedo looks like yet; Maddie has the garment bag but she won’t show her, won’t let her try it on until the day, and she thinks that it might be because she’s attempting to instill some sort of excitement in her, trying to get her to enjoy the process as much as she does.

 

Getting ready takes all day. Ed volunteers to babysit and since it’s a school day they’re gone by 9am, and everyone’s at Maddie’s by noon, and from then on it’s Maddie fussing and Celeste watching her in amusement, Jane being nervous and Bonnie mostly just seeming to be as chill as usual while Renata carries on working, shooting off email after email, because it’s a Friday, after all. Jane absently wonders how Bonnie’s managed to negotiate getting ready here when she’s technically going with Nathan, but she figures they’ll have that worked out. Jane’s mostly excited because Maddie’s water pressure is  _ insane _ and her shower has about 228362 settings, and she loves watching women get dressed up, loves watching the long process of them building their outfit, their makeup, of them putting on their armour, and she loves seeing them wandering around in their sweatpants for two hours before, hair pulled into loose buns, wearing tshirts with holes in them, not feeling like they need the protection of being ready for the day.

 

Jane lays around and watches them, watches as they slowly start to take turns to shower, watch as they wander around in bathrobes, watches as they perform elaborate miracles to their hair, to their eyelashes, as they paint their nails and squabble over what to play through Maddie’s sound system. The kitchen table/island ends up covered in bottles that Jane can barely understand, bottles of foundation and mascara and highlighter and toner and moisturiser that she remembers caring about at a time in her life but can’t make sense of now. She just takes the backseat and laughs at Maddie dancing along to Dua Lipa, waving a mascara brush in the air, sees Bonnie tackle her hair with the kind of calm, assured confidence that she’s grown used to from her. Celeste takes almost as long as she does to get ready, just waits for Maddie to finish apply her own makeup, waits for her to ask to do hers like she knew she would.

 

“I just love making people up, it’s a character flaw,” she says with a laugh, shrugging as she rummages through her makeup bag, as she hunts through the products spread across the table. “Will you let me do your face after?” she asks Jane, and she laughs.

 

“Sure, you’ll do a way better job than I will,” she shrugs. “I guess I should go get into the shower.”

 

“Yeah miss the process, keep some of the mystery,” Celeste says with a smile, laughing when Maddie grabs her face to keep her still.

 

“I’ll definitely be convinced that you have blue eyelids if I miss out on watching you put it on,” she agrees easily, standing up and stretching, wandering out of the room, resisting the urge to kiss them both on the head as she passes, wanting some tangible way to express her love for them in this moment, and when she passes Renata she lets out a low whistle, grinning.

 

“You look incredible,” Jane gushes, holding her arms out like she can’t believe what she’s looking at, and Renata just laughs, a smile that she can’t stop from spreading across her face.

 

“Thank you, I see you still haven’t made any moves to get dressed,” she says, attempting to scold but mostly managing to make Jane laugh. She absentmindedly pulls on her cuffs and Jane has to stop herself from staring, because this suit is nothing like the clothes she wears for work, is somehow not remotely professional, and she can’t even explain what it is, she just assumes that this is what good tailoring is for. Jane practically has to shake herself out of it, has to convince herself to move forwards, move past her and down the corridor, and she thinks that maybe Renata offered herself up to the attention a little, that she definitely noticed. She stands in Maddie’s bathroom’s doorway, looks back as Renata walks down the hall, grinning when she hears the others practically yell at her about how good she looks, grinning as she gets into the shower.

 

When she gets back out of the bathroom Bonnie and Celeste are dressed too, and both of them look as though they could actually be a Bond girl, like someone’s going to cast them on the spot. Celeste is wearing silver, and it’s simple, beautiful, expensive, but at the same time looks like one of the girls that then betrays him, like she has some sort of plan, and it’s that, of the entire thing, that makes Jane look at her, not her perfect hair or her makeup or the diamonds in her ears. They’re both too pretty, they’re all too pretty, and Maddie beckons Jane over impatiently.

 

“Yes they look amazing, but I need to do your makeup and we both still need to get dressed,” she smiles, but she’s rushed, and you always forget that while she thrives in social settings, in being the centre of the attention, part of that means that she knows that she has to look her best at all times.

 

“Okay but do we have to walk in with them? Because Renata is gonna make a much better Bond than I am,” she jokes, and Renata laughs, and her eyes are drawn to her again, where she’s practically reclining across Maddie’s sofa, champagne flute held loosely in one hand.

 

“I know, I know, looking at the two of them right now is crushing, but when we’re both dressed we’ll more than compete with them,” Maddie grins, her self-assurance somehow a balm to Jane’s own lack of it. Bonnie hands her a champagne flute with a smile, and Jane thanks her softly.

 

“I hope Nathan scrubs up well enough to look like he belongs to walking in on your arm,” Maddie says to Bonnie, and she laughs.

 

“He’s always looked good in a tux, however much he hasn’t needed to wear one recently,” she says, mostly just because it’s how these conversations about Nathan always go; Madeline is mean and Bonnie just laughs it off, just rebuffs it gently, because however many people she also loves she does love Nathan, thinks she will always love him. “Although right now I’m not sure anyone can stand next to Renata and say they level up confidently.”

 

“Just wait til Jane gets dressed,” Renata responds with a smile, tugging on her ponytail a little nervously.

 

“It’s going to be a surprise for all of us,” Jane agrees, laughing.

 

“Has Madeline still not let you see your tux?” Celeste asks.

 

“I’m still here,” she interrupts, even though she’s concentrating, the little frown between her eyes apparent, and Jane quickly closes her eyes again, just tries not to think about their proximity, tries not to think about the sunset streaming through the huge windows, the sun setting on Maddie’s face. She pulls away, transfers her frown to the collection of products on the table and Jane sips her champagne, is glad that Madeline continues because she doesn’t know what she was going to say. “I want her to get the full shock factor. Plus at the moment I think the only reason she’s here is because of the suspense.”

 

“She’s right,” Jane laughs. “I would have just bailed on all of you if she hadn’t made it so that I had to be here.”

 

“And now you can’t even sneak away because you need to bid on us and push up the prices.”

 

“I already got Celeste to agree to bankroll me,” Jane says with a laugh.

 

“And Celeste doesn’t need anyone to promise to bid on her, because everyone will,” Renata says with a laugh.

 

“I hope you all know that I intend to be the most expensive date,” Maddie says, and Renata narrows her eyes, sitting up a little more.

 

“That sounded like a challenge.”

 

“It’s a fact,” she says smugly, and Renata laughs.

 

“We’ll see.”

 

Maddie steers her into her room, stands her in front of a garment bag, and Jane tries to ignore that the others filter into the room behind her, even though Maddie had told them at least six times to wait until she puts it on.

 

“If it has a bowtie someone else is gonna have to tie it for me,” she says, nervously, and Celeste rubs her shoulder.

 

“Open it!” Maddie tells her, and she shakes her head.

 

“Nope. I’m gonna go get dressed in the bathroom.” Everyone boos her out, and she laughs, shrugging. “None of you would let me see your outfits before you got dressed, so I’m instigating the same rule.” 

 

She leaves the bathroom, treading softly down the corridor in her socks, and she takes a deep breath before she turns the corner, because she knows Maddie will be dressed, that she will look breathtaking and whatever she’s wearing will be daring, and she’ll be assaulted by the combined force of all of them in their Sunday best. She looks at the sunset first as she emerges into the room, tries to think about how beautiful that is, as she slips in quietly so they don’t notice, stood leaning against the kitchen island, shoes nearby but not quite on, sipping champagne and listening to Bonnie tell them about something, and Maddie’s back to her and she’s wearing dark blue, that colour that always looks amazing on her, and the dress is backless. She thinks she stops breathing, maybe, and when she finally manages to glance up Celeste is looking at her with a smile on her face, a knowing kind of a smile, and Jane can’t help the blush that follows, the blush of being caught out. She picks up her flute of champagne and joins them, and Renata literally gasps when she gives her a look over, a warm kind of examination, the kind that she can feel, her eyes making a mark.

 

“Maddie you look amazing,” she says, before she’s even seen the front of the dress, and Maddie flips her hair and shrugs. 

 

“I know. I guess we can compete with Celeste and Renata after all, considering how well I chose your tux.”

 

“Is there where we take photos of us leaving for prom?” Renata asks, laughing. They all finish their champagne, finish throwing together the last few things, Jane ends up with some of the things Maddie can’t fit in her tiny clutch in her pockets, and they all troop out to the Uber, pile in, laughing, too good at this to get their dresses caught in the car doors, and Jane marvels, like she always does, and when she looks at Bonnie she thinks she maybe does too. She’s always considered Bonnie to be one of them, part of this group of elite moms who know how to look amazing and bring up polite kids, but she exchanges a smile with her, watches as Maddie gets into the car without ruffling a single hair on her perfect head. Bonnie is perfect too, but not in this glittering, glamorous kind of way, the kind of way that’s an accident, the kind of way that still means that these sort of events aren’t actually her area.

 

Bonnie and Nathan lead the way in, after they’ve all stood around out of the way waiting for him long enough for the buzz to wear off, long enough that they’ve all maybe stopped looking at each other like they can’t believe they exist, used to each other enough that they can act like they always do around the other moms, like they can still breathe. Bonnie still thinks Jane looks cuter in her pyjamas, and that Renata’s breathtaking when she rants for hours about something her staff did, about some problem that she’s facing, when she then solves that with brutal efficiency in the middle of talking about it, but she understands the appeal of them like this, understands why Nathan would have loved Maddie, understands why maybe he can’t get over that as thoroughly as he should.

 

They get stopped, get talked to by people Jane never bothered to get to know but the others have known for a good few years, people who have older kids in Abigail’s year or used to be friends with Renata, because there’s a strange emphasis on “was”. At some point they became a closed unit, no applications accepted, no new or even old friends invited, and Jane thinks that maybe this is what being the cool kids at school is like, with Maddie on her arm and Celeste looking back to smile at her, raising her eyebrows, in a way that seems like she’s checking in, like they’re both just making sure the other is okay.

 

It’s fancy outside, or as fancy as they could make it, and the balcony doors are firmly shut, it’s held solely inside, no opportunities for accidental slips down stairs or over banisters. There’s fake chandeliers and fairy lights and a red carpet that Renata laughs at, and basically all of the drinks are served in martini glasses, even though no one’s drinking martinis. The stage has terrible gold silk curtains drawn across it, and what might be a string quartet at one end of it. Maddie asks Jane if her lipstick is still good, and she just laughs, tucking her arm more firmly through hers.

 

“You’re perfect,” she says, completely honestly, and Maddie squints at her.

 

“You have to say that, we’re friends.”

 

“Your lipstick is honestly fine, I promise.”

 

She continues to eye her with suspicion, and then she gets distracted by someone else walking over, someone who exchanges pleasantries and asks about Chloe but doesn’t bother to ask who Jane is, because everyone knows her, because getting caught in the middle of Maddie and Renata’s war was somehow like being caught in the middle of the popular kids. Jane’s suddenly glad she didn’t peak in high school, that being middle ground her whole life has somehow lead to this, to hanging on the arm of the most popular girl in school. She thinks Renata feels like that sometimes, glances at her where she’s talking to Celeste, heads close together, her hand resting on her lower back in a gesture that looks protective, a gesture that looks personal, and private, and she can suddenly imagine her as a smart, gangly twelve year old. Maybe everything they’ve experienced so far was in the run up to this, maybe it allowed this shimmering moment to happen to all of them, allows them to take a table together, including Nathan, without Maddie and Nathan dissolving into barbs and snide comments.

 

“I wonder when the bidding starts,” Celeste murmurs, and Renata looks around.

 

“It’ll probably be right after you see Harper running around like a headless chicken,” she says, laughing, taking a sip of her drink that isn’t a martini.

 

“Did they tell you guys what order you’re going in?” Jane asks, looking into her glass, not really thinking about it, watching some of the other moms mingle around the tables, watching dads order drinks and looking like they didn’t want to be there (half of the moms look like that too).

 

“I guess the order we gave our names in,” Bonnie shrugs and she nods, and they all get distracted by Madeline and Renata bitching about other people’s outfits and exchanging gossip, as though there was anything that could talk about that the other didn’t already know, as though the two of them haven’t already gossiped about every parent and a lot of the staff.

 

None of them pay attention as others get bidded on, not until someone comes over and quietly tells Bonnie to come with them, that she’s next up on the stage. Nathan doesn’t even look uncomfortable as she goes up, and Madeline wonders whether it’s because he knows everyone’s watching, because they expect it from him, or if it’s because he really, truly is content with what they have going on.

 

“Are we bidding on her?” Maddie asks Celeste quietly, but before she answers Renata’s hand shoots up, and she gets the first bid, and she’s met by many people, an equal spread of women and men, and Bonnie looks appropriately bashful as it continues. Nathan bids when it starts to slow down, and Renata almost glares at him, as though it’s not allowed, as though he shouldn’t.

 

“Why are you bidding, you can go on a date with her any time you want?” she asks, and he laughs.

 

“You could go on a date with her any time you wanted, too, if you just asked.”

 

She practically splutters in response to that, opens her mouth to say something and then raises her arm to bid again, and he laughs.

 

“I never thought I’d see my ex-husband and my former arch enemy bidding on a date with his new wife,” Maddie says thoughtfully, a little later, when it’s continued for a frankly ridiculous amount of time.

 

“I think it’s worth it for the look of concentration on Renata’s face… Maybe she should have asked her out on a date.”

 

“I think my former arch enemy and my ex’s new wife on a date is somehow not good news,” Maddie says, after a moment, and she almost bids, almost, but Jane’s laughing and grabbing her arm.

 

“You guys have got to stop competing over everything. You know that Renata likes you now, you can let her go on a date with Bonnie, it’s totally fine, you just want to win,” Celeste says, and Maddie rolls her eyes.

 

“Look if you’re not going to be supportive -” Maddie starts, but Jane can see the smile, and Celeste just looks at her.

 

Maddie turns as she hears the gavel, Nathan bowing out lost to her revving herself up, and Jane laughs as Renata smiles at Bonnie as she comes towards them.

 

“Thank you for being prepared to donate so much money, Renata, it was very sweet of you,” she says, smiling as she takes her seat again, takes a sip of her sugary drink.

 

“Oh yeah because that’s totally why she did it,” Maddie whispers and Jane elbows her, lightly, shushing her.

 

“Maybe I just really wanted to go on a date with you,” she says, smiling.

 

“You could have just asked,” Bonnie says, calm and unflappable.

 

“I will bear that in mind for next time,” she tries to sound diplomatic but she mostly sounds slightly strained, like she doesn’t know what to do in response to that.

 

“Will there be a next time?” Maddie asks, and Celeste rolls her eyes as they both look at each other, because she knows that Maddie’s just winding Renata up, just wants to see her react.

 

“If the date goes well,” Bonnie says, eventually, and Jane would swear that Renata’s blushing, even though Bonnie looks as though nothing just happened. Celeste disappears and ends up on stage, and everyone laughs as Renata begins enthusiastically bidding on her too, ignoring her competition, and Jane thinks how odd it is that she’s sat at a table with some of the most beautiful people in this room.

 

Maddie’s grinning as she matches Renata bid for bid, ignoring Renata as all of their contenders fade away, ignoring the frustrated looks she gets in return, ignoring the disappointment on several people’s faces as they realise who’s in this to win it, as they realise who’s going to leave here with a date.

 

“Why don’t you both just go on a date with her?” Jane suggests, laughing, purposefully riling them up further, and Maddie practically hisses at her.

 

“I’m getting this date,” Maddie says, and it’s surprisingly forceful.

 

“Why don’t you just ask her on one?” Bonnie asks, and both of them roll their eyes at her continuously being the voice of reason.

 

“You don’t just ask someone like Celeste on a date.” Renata says, and Jane pauses a moment.

 

“Why, because of Perry?”

 

“No, because she’s the kind of beautiful that means she can go on a date with anyone she wants,” Maddie says, and Renata just nods.

 

“I didn't realise how pretty Celeste is is the one thing that we could get you two to agree on,” Jane says, and they ignore her but Bonnie laughs, their eyes meeting across the table, and it's a weird moment that Jane puts down to their pasts but she actually kind of thinks it has nothing to do with that.

 

Renata, eventually, rolls her eyes and gives in, sighing. “This isn't the end of this,” she says, and Maddie laughs.

 

“What, are you gonna crash our date?”

 

“Maybe,” her tone is peevish, distinctly petty, and when Celeste comes back down to their table she's rolling her eyes at them.

 

“Did you really turn that into a competition?” she asks, and Maddie stands, flipping her hair.

 

“Everything’s a competition if you try hard enough,” she shrugs, and heads to the stage, leaving Celeste to sit back down next to Jane.

 

“You heard her instructions; time to get bidding,” she says with a smile.

 

“You sure?” she's clearly uncomfortable with the whole idea, with the amount of money that Celeste has, the amount of money that they all have, that they just try not to talk about.

 

“Of course, no price is too high for her, you know that. I’m paying for my own date anyway, not that she realises that yet.” Jane laughs and sticks her hand up, ignoring anyone else that may be bidding, distinctly regretting drawing attention to herself.

 

Everyone's surprised when Bonnie cuts in late, drives the price as high as she can, Nathan just kind of staring at her in surprise, and Maddie practically giggles on stage when she does, raising her eyebrows as though to be like Look Nathan, and Jane wonders if maybe Maddie’s need to fight people will ever calm down and if she’ll ever stop finding it endearing.

 

“Why?” Nathan asks, and he’s trying to be quiet but the whole table can hear him, and Bonnie smiles.

 

“Because I’d quite like to go on a date with her. I can see why you’ll never truly get her.”

 

He rolls his eyes, mutters something along the lines of “I am over”, and eventually Bonnie gives in to Jane, once the price is level with hers and Celeste’s, once it reaches a level where everyone’s like this is ridiculous.

 

“Apparently Bonnie wants to go on a date with you,” Nathan announces, like an asshole, as soon as she makes it back to the table, before she can even thank them.

 

“Oh really?” she asks, and Bonnie nods, after glaring at Nathan, like they’re in school and he’s just told someone that she likes them. “Okay,” Maddie says simply, and everyone kind of gapes at her, and there’s a few nervous giggles. Renata ascends the stage, and they all turn to look at her, like they don’t know how to confront this, like something just shifted and it’s perceptible in the air, like they can’t look at each other right in this moment.

 

Jane bids, and so does Celeste, even though that technically means Celeste is bidding against herself, and then Maddie does, and they all just look at her, and there’s been so many surprises tonight that Jane doesn’t know how to keep track of them, doesn’t know how to deal with it, and she just shrugs.

 

“What? If we’re being honest about who we want to go on dates with then I might as well.”

 

“Well you have been flirting ever since you first met,” Celeste says, dry, and Maddie gives her her trademark shocked and offended look. “You have! You two have been pulling on each other’s pigtails since your first conversation.”

 

Bonnie bids too, and the man with the gavel tells her off bc she already has a date with Renata, or Renata has a date with her, anyway. Renata stands up there, and she looks as composed as ever, and Jane notes her slouch, her hands in her pockets, and thinks that somehow wearing a tux has changed her body language, has made her a kind of confident that’s different to that of just knowing how good she is at her job. She boos the headmaster, and he just waves his gavel at her, making her audience laugh, and Jane wonders what it’s like, to be able to just perform like that, if that’s what her job is like.

 

Jane gives in, eventually, because she thinks it would be unfair to make Celeste pay for a date that she herself wanted to go on, and Maddie does too, saying that she's not worth  _ that much _ but they all know that really it's because she didn't want Renata to go for any more than she did. They all forget about the contest when Renata gets back to the table, when they look at each other and realise they have to work out who’s going on a date with who.

 

“So we’re all going on dates with each other, right?” Jane asks, after they’ve worked out who bidded on what and who’s going with who, and everyone nods. “So why don’t we all just go together? Us five, just go out for a meal or something? That covers what we’re supposed to do, right?”

 

“Well I don’t think there’s any stipulations saying that only two people have to be present?” Maddie says, after a moment. “Is this just because you don’t want to go on a date with me?”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, we all know I’d go on a date on you,” she practically stutters, blushing, and Maddie grins.

 

“Well now I do.” 

 

“Alright, so does this mean I don’t get to go on a date with Celeste,” Renata interrupts, and Celeste laughs.

 

“Well, I mean, you can go on a date with her if you want to?” Jane says, and Celeste nods.

 

“You can, I mean, if you want to,” Celeste says, and Renata laughs.

 

“Okay, so group date it is,” Bonnie says. “Can’t we just do dinner at someone’s house? It’s easier than getting dressed up.” 

 

“Aw, I like getting dressed up,” Maddie pouts, and they laugh.

 

“We can do it on Ed’s weekend with the kids again,” Celeste suggests, and they nod.

 

None of them pay any attention to the rest of the bidding, and Jane gives one passing thought to how that is probably conspicuous, and then realises that none of these people will think anything of it, will just think that they’re going on dates with their friends because they don’t want to go with anyone, because they just think that they asked each other to do that, like they will have asked their friends to do that. No one here will think anything untoward about this, no one else will think anything about it at all, apart from maybe envy or annoyance that they’ve closed ranks in such a spectacular manner, the only one worrying about it is her, because she is guilty, guilty of whatever it is that she thinks people might see in them. Her and she thinks, maybe, the others. Maybe, like her, the idea that Bonnie suggested, this idea of being in multiple relationships at once has been percolating, and when she looks at Maddie she actually imagines what it would be like, she looks at all of them and suddenly she has the space to imagine it happening, and she thinks when she meets Bonnie’s eyes that she sees through her, that she’s completely transparent, that she knows what she’s thinking.

 

They get a little tipsy, have a surprising amount of fun, and she thinks she might be imagining it but everyone touches each other a little less, like somehow they know, like somehow they feel that there may be something behind that that they don’t want to confront. They bow out early, take an Uber back to Madeline’s, waving goodbye to Nathan at some point, and they all fall through the front door, mostly because they’re giggling because Madeline desperately needs to pee and Bonnie’s taken off her heels and Renata’s complaining about  _ something _ , and she thinks Celeste maybe staggers a little bit but they're all having a lot of fun, and Jane’s glad that she didn’t drink that much, that’s she’s still coherent, that she’ll still remember this. They flop onto Maddie’s sofas, and Maddie disappears to pee, and Renata says she’s going to find some wine but it takes her a minute to get up, and Jane takes off her jacket, untucks her shirt, takes off her tie and rolls up the sleeves. Maddie gets back and laughs, almost falling over, and Jane’s outraged, even as Renata hands her a wineglass and she says “thank you” softly, smiling up at her.

 

“It’s just your ability to make anything look scruffy, I’m sorry.”

 

“Hey come on, she looks cute,” Celeste pipes up from the other sofa, smiling at Jane even though she thinks she blushes.

 

“She does,” Renata agrees.

 

“I wasn’t arguing that it was just like I left for two minutes and suddenly she’s gone as casual as possible.”

 

“You’re lucky I didn’t just go straight to my bag and put my pyjamas on,” she replies, shrugging, and Maddie rolls her eyes, accepting her own wineglass from Renata and sitting next to her.

 

“So are we… going to talk about what happened or not?” Bonnie asks, and Maddie wants to punch her in the face briefly for being the kind of person that believes in communication instead of just ignoring your problems until they disappear or ruin everything.

 

“I don’t think anything happened.”

 

“But-”

 

“No I agree with Madeline I don’t think anything happened,” Renata backs her up and Jane laughs, and Bonnie sighs.

 

“Okay if you’re not ready to talk about this then you don’t have to,” she says, calmly, always so calmly, and Jane notices that Renata’s fiddling with her phone, probably fucking answering emails at 10pm while tipsy, and that Celeste is concentrating on staring into her wineglass.

 

“Anyway…” Jane starts, and wishes she’d thought of something to say before she started. “Did you see how little Harper went for?” She hates gossip, refuses to engage in it, to take part in this game that Maddie and Renata have going on where they constantly act like they’re above the other mothers while indulging in the same behaviours as them.

 

That sets Maddie and Renata off perfectly, and they get sidetracked for at least twenty-five minutes talking about Harper and about the others, about all these kinds of things that Bonnie hates and so does Jane, and they don’t notice Bonnie slip out and Jane follow her, don’t notice Bonnie stopping in the corridor like she’s waiting for her, even though she can’t hear her padding after her in her socked feet.

 

“You know we need to talk about it,” Bonnie says, and it’s not a question, and the look on her face isn’t a joke.

 

“I know,” she cups her neck and shrugs, shifting where she stands. “But I don’t think they’re ready, I think they need some time.”

 

“You know that they’ve been thinking about it for as long as we have.”

 

“Of course I do, I just,” she waves her hands in the air a little, because she doesn’t know what to say. “I think if we push them they’ll push us away, and I can’t take that.”

 

“Does that mean that you’re ready? For the change that’s coming?” she asks, and Jane notices that she moves closer, of course she does, because she notices them all, notices their distances and their closeness, is noticing them constantly, like how she’s noticing the shadows under Bonnie’s cheekbones in the dark hallway, the darkness of her eyes.

 

“I think so,” she pauses, knows that Bonnie won’t move forward until she gives her a yes, until she confirms that she knows what this is, that Bonnie is asking for absolute consent. “Yes,” she breathes, quietly, and it doesn’t feel like a weight is lifted off of her, but when she moves forward Bonnie does too, when she reaches for her Bonnie is there, and she’d never really considered how this would work, how the height difference would work. They manage, somehow, Bonnie wrapping her arms around her neck and Jane’s arms going around her waist, and the kiss is soft, like they’re both being careful with each other, like they’re both too aware of the fragility of the human form. They hear moving in the next room, and they move apart, and Jane’s aware that she’s smiling, aware that Bonnie is too, looking up at her in the dark, and Jane laughs, quietly.

 

“Okay I’ll go use the bathroom upstairs, you use this one, we’ll act natural,” she says, quietly.

 

“You know I always think honesty is a good idea,” Bonnie says, but quietly enough that no one hears her, like she’s prepared to respect Jane’s wishes even if she doesn’t think it’s the right thing to do.

 

“Yeah, and I 100% agree with you, but right now I don’t think honesty is what they need.”

 

Bonnie sighs, but she nods, and Jane scrambles upstairs as quickly and quietly as she can, and when she gets back Bonnie already sat down, looking at some pictures of the boys Celeste’s showing her on her phone, and when she looks at Jane she thinks she blushes, knows she does, and she drinks some wine and hopes she can blame that, hopes that no one notices that she can barely look at Bonnie, hopes that no one notices that what happened is written clearly all across her face.

 

“Hey, are you okay? You seem a little spacey.” Maddie asks quietly, in the kitchen, while they’re attempting to find some kind of snack because it’s been ages since dinner and the finger food at the buffet was avoided because everyone was scared of ruining their lipstick.

 

“What? Oh yeah, I’m good,” Jane says, but she smiles, and Maddie squints are her.

 

“That face is telling me that there’s something you’re not telling me,” she says, pausing in rooting through the cupboard for that bag of Doritos that she was sure she’d left in there, in a cupboard too high for Chloe to reach, which also meant that it was a little too high for her. Jane places her hands on her waist, carefully, and nudges her to the side, because she can actually see them unlike Maddie, and hands them to her. “Oh, thank you.”

 

“Come on, you know I tell you everything,” she says, and she’s more convincing this time, she makes eye contact and pauses in grabbing a bowl, and Maddie’s still essentially unconvinced.

 

“Okay, okay. So long as you know you can tell me anything,” she smiles, kisses her on the cheek, reaches up on her tiptoes to do so, and Jane gets distracted by how tiny she is, how warm she is, how familiar and yet exciting she will always be.

 

“I found snacks!” she announces to the room, and Jane brings the bowls and another bottle of wine and sits down and tries not to have a moment, another moment, another moment in a long line of moments.

 

At some point Renata falls asleep on the couch, her head in Celeste’s lap, and Celeste doesn’t move, just very carefully, tenderly, tucks some of her previously perfectly curled hair behind her ear, and Jane just watches her, just immerses herself in that moment that probably should have been private. She wants them to wake up, to realise what they have, what they could have, what’s waiting for them. She gets seized by longing, feels it like a physical pain, and when Celeste looks at her she thinks she can probably see it, the fearless longing that hangs on her face like a painting for a long suspended second, the longing that’s illuminated by soft artificial light and the nakedness that she always feels when she drinks, the lack of ability to cover herself, the lacking of the fervent need she always has to do so. Celeste doesn’t say anything, but she’s still looking at her while she cards her fingers through Renata’s hair, and it feels like Jane can’t breathe, like she’s hanging in this moment, and Renata opens her eyes and catches them both, and she doesn’t say anything either, her eyelashes fluttering as she closes her eyes once again, and Jane sees her take a deep breath, sees her shoulders move in her now rumpled bright white shirt.

 

Jane lies in the dark, Maddie breathing evenly, and she thinks she might be asleep but she can't be sure, but she can't stop thinking about kissing Bonnie earlier, about kissing her again when the others had already got into bed, about standing in the dark kitchen getting a glass of water and standing in front of the sink with her hands in her hair. She wanted to throw caution to the wind, decide that they should move fast, but she knows that it would be a mistake, that what she's feeling right now is the exhilaration of something new, of something that she feels like she's already wanted for so, so long.

 

“Are you awake?” Maddie asks, eventually, at some point, when Jane’s smiling into her pillow and is maybe going to sleep, when she's thinking about everyone collapsed together in Celeste’s bed, when she's thinking about kissing Madeline, when she's imagining what those mornings could be like.

 

“Yeah?” she says, facing away from her, and she thinks Maddie sounds tired and she hopes, wishes, that she doesn't sound too happy, that she doesn't sound as though anything has happened.

 

“Could you, uh,” and she's never heard Maddie falter like that, and it makes her turn over, make her try to make out her features in the sliver of moonlight that spills from the gap between the curtains. “Could we maybe, um, spoon?” She's still facing away from her and Jane almost laughs at her timidness, almost laughs at how unlike her it is, but instead she shuffles over, slides her arm under her head, wraps an arm around her, tightly, shifting her knees so they fit behind hers.

 

“Like this?” she asks, quietly, into the nape of her neck, and she feels Madeline relax back into it, feels her let out a breath and lean on her, like she hasn't leant on anyone in a long time, like she never trusted herself to after Nathan.

 

“Yes,” she pauses. “Thank you.”

 

“Any time,” Jane says, still soft, and she means it, with the moonlight reflecting off of Maddie's hair and her warm in her arms, and she realises how much she trusts her. She almost whispers “I love you,” into the darkness, but instead she tightens her hold on her, not even minding the hair in her face, and she hopes that this makes Maddie feel safe, protected, because she is.

 

Jane wakes up to Maddie sprawled across her, her head on her chest and her leg between hers and her arm completely dead, and she tries to go back to sleep, she does, but she can’t stop her head from spinning, can’t stop the way that her body is instantly alert. It’s a different kind of alert, one she’d forgotten, not the usual way she wakes up, gun in hand and terror imprinted on her mind, just warmth and heat and she wishes it would leave her alone right now, reminds herself that Madeline is just a friend, just a friend who needed someone to hold her last night, just a friend that tightens her hold on her, that moves closer, and she wiggles her fingers and almost gasps at the pins and needles shooting down her arm. She extracts herself, slowly, and Maddie doesn’t stir very much, a lifetime of being used to people sleeping in her bed with her, used to repositioning around a person, and when she rolls away Maddie rolls towards her, her nose pressed into her neck, her arm loosely around her, and Jane tries not to think that she could get used to this.

 

Renata wakes up facing the windows, wishing that Maddie’s guest bedroom had thicker curtains, and Celeste pressed against her back, mirroring Jane and Madeline without knowing, expect her grip is tight and Renata swears that she can feel a smile on her neck, swears that Celeste is somehow moving closer when she thought that there was already no space between them. She can’t help the way she leans back into her, into that moment between sleep and waking, and when she catches herself and tries to pull back forwards the arm locked securely around her waist doesn’t let her.

 

“Good morning,” Celeste says in an undertone, not moving, voice still gravelly from sleep, and Renata wonders for a moment if maybe she doesn’t realise who she is, or if she’s having another dream, which she considers to be a distinct possibility.

 

“Mmm, morning,” Renata mumbles, and Celeste moves, practically nuzzling her, like her lack of disapproval was permission, and it  _ is _ and Renata almost hates that she wishes that her dream could play out right now, hates the way she almost wiggles in anticipation, that she has to hold herself still. She’s positive now that Celeste is smiling against her neck, that she does tighten her arm again, like she can’t be too close, like there’s no way for her to be. “You’re happy to see me today,” Renata says, eventually, when she decides to relax against her, and Celeste laughs, low and quiet behind her.

 

“I think I realised something last night,” she says, still quiet, and Renata still doesn’t turn over, like this conversation is easier to have not facing her, if it’s the conversation she’s sure they’re having.

 

“Oh?” she prompts, and Celeste smiles again, and then she’s sure that that’s the brush of lips just below her hairline, she’s positive, and she links their fingers together against her sternum, a silent permission.

 

“I think life is just, well, short,” she mutters, as though that explains anything, and she kisses her skin again, surer and distincter this time, and Renata can’t help the shiver that follows.

 

“Oh,” she replies, and it’s weak, kind of wobbly, like she doesn’t know what to say, like she’s not sure she can say anything, like her brain has entirely short circuited.

 

“Mmm,” Celeste hums, working her way down her shoulder, and Renata honestly thinks she might die in this second, might just faint, and how embarrassing would that be, Celeste trying to explain what, exactly, led to the catastrophic speeding up of her heart.

 

“God I would kiss you right now if it wasn’t for morning breath,” she says, eventually, and Celeste laughs, surprised and louder than Renata was expecting, like she’d been holding her breath too, like she’d been waiting.

 

“Guess we’d better go brush our teeth,” Celeste jumps out of bed, practically, grinning, and Renata almost wants to pull her back in, brushed teeth be damned, but she thinks that they deserve something slightly better for their first kiss, for the first of what would hopefully be quite a few.

 

Everyone is quiet at breakfast, and no one notices Jane and Bonnie sneak out, and Bonnie is fairly certain everyone’s been blushing at regular intervals through the entire ordeal, but she’s too busy thinking about kissing Jane in the hallway again, too busy considering all of the ways that they can do this, if Jane won’t let them tell anyone. It’s been a long time since she sneaked around, and she’d, at one point, sworn that she’d never do this again, that honestly was too important to her, but Jane is Jane, and she can’t say no to her, can’t say no to her wide hazel eyes and the way that she bites her lip when she’s trying not to smile, the way that she twists her hands together when she’s nervous.

 

Jane and Bonnie continue like that, for at least two weeks, the Big Group Date impending but henceforth not well planned, being pushed back because of illness and because of business meetings and because of child emergencies, and eventually it gets settled that it’s to be at Bonnie’s, on a weekend where Ed’s promised to take all of the kids. Someone (Bonnie) suggests pyjamas, and that gets unanimously agreed upon, because it’s the middle of term and they all need a break, they all need at least a night to regroup, although Jane thinks she’s been having more fun in the past month than she ever has. Her and Bonnie exchange kisses and smiles and whispered conversations in corridors and bathrooms and once even in Jane’s car in the Otter Bay parking lot, and they both agreed that that was a terrible decision, but they were early getting there, they were sure no one saw them. It’s not until Bonnie’s asking her to tell people, and she’s whispering no and trying to put her hands up her shirt, that Celeste walks in on them, a few days before the Group Date, and she just smiles.

 

“You know the hallway might not be the best place for this,” she says, quietly so that no one else hears, and they jump away from each other, blushing, Jane a bright tomato red, Bonnie clearing her throat nervously but otherwise mostly looking composed.

 

“Please don’t tell Maddie,” Jane says, her whisper a burst, panicked and staccato in the quiet hallway, where all they can hear is Maddie distantly talking to Renata, Renata’s laugh, the noise of a wineglass against a countertop.

 

“I won’t,” she promises, and her smile grows. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something else, anyway,” she pauses, looking away. “Renata and I have been… seeing each other,” she takes a moment to settle on that description, realises they haven’t talked about how to describe what they were doing, what it was, and when she looks up Jane looks like she’s about to squeal loudly, and Celeste laughs quietly, embarrassed and bashful when Bonnie seals a hand over Jane’s mouth.

 

“That explains some things,” Bonnie nods, wise as ever, not removing her hand, and Celeste doesn’t panic, because she knows that while Maddie is wise to some things she won’t have noticed anything with her and Renata, knows that she would ask if she had, that Bonnie notices more than others do.

 

“We’re debating how to tell Maddie too,” she shrugs, looking down. 

 

“We should all use different bathrooms now,” Bonnie suggests, smiling, and Jane nods, and she finally takes her hand away.

 

“I’m so happy for you guys,” Jane whispers, squeezing her hand, grinning at her, and Celeste laughs.

 

“I’m happy for you two too.”

 

Jane honestly doesn’t understand how Maddie doesn’t notice, but she thinks it might be because sometimes the group of them remind her of a litter of puppies, falling over each other, lying on each other, because they still don’t discriminate with who receives their affection, because there’s nothing between them that isn’t shared, even if Madeline doesn’t know it yet. Their love for each other, each relationship between them, is markedly different but one thing remains the same; they all make Jane’s heart race, all four of them, and when she looks up at Celeste sometimes now she thinks that it’s different, that it’s full of a background knowledge, and she wants to address it, wants to say something, but she doesn’t get a chance. Between Bonnie and not telling Maddie she doesn’t get a moment alone with Celeste, and that’s only worsened by her noticing when Celeste and Renata sneak out, and when she smiles at Renata, raises her eyebrows, she always, always blushes. She wants to tell Maddie, she does, but she doesn’t know how to do it without her feeling left out, without her feeling like they’ve coupled off, her left in the middle, she doesn’t know how to express to her that this isn’t exclusive, not at all, that Maddie’s part of it even if she doesn’t know, that the looks she shares with Celeste means that she’s part of it too, that when she glances over at Renata they’re somehow acknowledging their involvement. They’re involved, whether Madeline wants to accept that yet or not, and even though they spoon a bunch more times she doesn’t say anything, doesn’t acknowledge that she turns into a tiny, forceful limpet when she’s asleep.

 

The pyjama party big date rolls around, and they all show up in their pyjamas, toting a couple of bottles of wine, and Bonnie welcomes them in with a smile, waves them through to the sitting room where they throw themselves down and open bottles and spread out, limbs all across each other like they’ll never be comfortable again if they’re not touching someone else at all times. Sometimes Jane thinks that might be true, when she sleeps in her own bed and misses Maddie’s cold nose on the back of her neck, or wakes up in the middle of the night to feeling in both of her arms, and it doesn’t scare her, because she trusts these women not to leave her. They just talk, and drink, and Bonnie even laughs when Renata and Maddie get going bitching about something, and when Nathan walks in with Abigail, all decked out like he’s going somewhere nice, they’re all a little bit tipsy.

 

“Alright, we’re off, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Bonnie gets up, goes over to him, pulling his tie straight with a smile, and Maddie doesn’t even hate that it looks like they love each other, is somehow accepting that Nathan is not the man that walked out on her anymore.

 

“Where are you going, all dressed up like that? Somewhere nice I hope?” Renata asks, and they giggle, and he laughs, pulling on his cuffs a little nervously.

 

“I’ve got a date, and I’m dropping Abigail off at her friends on the way.”

 

“Ooooh a date!” Celeste says, laughing, and Maddie keeps herself perfectly neutral, surprised at this display of how this  _ can _ work, how they can have this, this relationship where they love each other and love other people too, where everyone can have their cake and eat it too.

 

“Which friend?” Maddie asks, promptly, and Bonnie doesn’t quite roll her eyes but she does wonder when, exactly, she’ll stop challenging Nathan’s parenting choices.

 

“Mom, don’t,” Abigail groans, and Maddie sits up, as though she’s ready to start fighting her, and Nathan ushers her out, looking at Maddie like he kind of wants to laugh.

 

“You know she’s gonna have fun whether you let her or not, right? So it’s just easier to let her in a place where we know where she is and that her friend’s parents are in?”

 

Maddie grumbles, but she has to admit that he’s right, and she laughs when Celeste reaches over and guides her wineglass to her mouth, like that would ever get her to stop fighting Nathan whenever she could, like that would stop her being so protective, but she does have to take a sip.

 

Nathan kisses Bonnie goodbye, and she tells him to have fun, and Maddie swears she does it to wind Nathan up, doesn’t even want to think about it, when she says “where’s mine?” and leans forward, and when Bonnie leans over and kisses her, a lingering kiss, not even one that can be passed off as a joke, everyone starts yelling. The giggling is like a wave of noise, and she’s blushing all the way to her hairline when Bonnie pulls away, and she opens her eyes and she’s still close enough that she can see the freckles across her nose, close enough she can see each of her individual eyelashes, and she just sways there a moment, and she swears it’s like a cartoon.

 

“Have fun on your date, ladies,” Nathan just says, amidst the noise, and sees himself, and Abigail asks what happened and he just shakes his head, shepherding her out.

 

“On that note,” Bonnie says, standing up, sitting on her low coffee table so she’s facing them, her hands clasped in her lap, her legs crossed. “We have something to tell you.”

 

“On that note?” Maddie asks, incredulous, wishing her face would just cool down, wishing it would stop giving her away.

 

“I think we should bake,” Jane interrupts, and Celeste and Renata stand up practically as fast as they can, while Bonnie just sighs.

 

“That was on that note?”

 

“Well, I mean, we all enjoy nice things, right?” Jane tries, and somehow Maddie rolls with it, and it’s that that clues Jane into how much she’s avoiding thinking about it, how much she’s ignoring her own feelings, and she wants to shake her but she’s also scared, she’s terrified that somehow Maddie will turn out surprisingly traditional, or unable to get used to this idea, or will surprise them all and leave.

 

Baking is a mess. Both figuratively and literally. It starts with just everybody topping up their wine glasses and reaching around each other to find things, hands on hips to move them out the way, Jane blushing as she reaches over Bonnie, Bonnie squashed against her front, Celeste reaching around Maddie and laughing, because Maddie complains about her boobs being in her face, but when Celeste grabs the flour and moves away, Maddie’s blushing all over again. That very same flour ends up all over everything just in the weighing process, and they’re only making cookies, because Bonnie found an extremely old packet of chocolate chips in the back of a cabinet that Maddie practically yells over, but apparently that is enough to make this much mess. Celeste practically eats half of the batter before the chocolate chips are even in it, and Maddie’s just sat on the counter, trying to catch them in her mouth, and Jane’s laughing at all of them while she does most of the actual work.

 

“I thought you had to bake for bake sales?” she asks, eventually, while Maddie and Renata are stood around not doing anything.

 

“Nope, I just bought store-made brownies and then put them in my own tupperware,” Maddie says smugly, and Renata’s eyes widen.

 

“I knew it! I’ve been telling everyone for the last three years that you do that!”

 

“Never managed to prove it though, did you?” she shrugs, grinning, and Jane wonders how anyone has ever managed to stay angry with her when she looks like that, ratty tshirt and socks and shorts, legs swinging. “And anyway, you and Celeste just always got your nannies to bake them so that doesn’t count.”

 

“I actually baked last time why didn’t you tell me that works?” Jane asks, trying to seem incensed, but she knows she’s failing from the look Bonnie gives her.

 

“I didn’t think it was knowledge that should be shared, and anyway, you were excited about them last time.”

 

“Yeah because I thought they’d been crafted by your hands!” Maddie just shrugs and Jane snatches the bag of chocolate chips out of her hands, throws them in the batter, and when she asks someone to help roll them into balls Bonnie’s the only one who volunteers.

 

“What’s this?” Maddie asks randomly, once they’re on their second tray of little squished balls, and Bonnie looks up to discover her head stuck in one of the cabinets.

 

“I made it myself, it’s organic-” Bonnie starts, but Madeline flaps her hand, like she’s already changed topic, pulling out random things and not letting Bonnie explain what they are.

 

“These Doritos aren’t yours,” she says, having shuffled around the counter to the end of the kitchen, arm in the very back of the top shelf of the further cupboard, and Bonnie frowns.

 

“There shouldn’t be-”

 

“There’s cookies in here too, and some potato chips,” Maddie looks at her, a slow grin spreading across her face. “They’re Nathan’s! I knew there was no way you could get him onto health food!”

 

“You know, sometimes the transition is difficult, and he was probably just struggling,” she says diplomatically, but she can’t do anything about the victory on Maddie’s face, and Celeste just rolls her eyes.

 

When the cookies come out no one even wants them anymore, because Nathan’s Doritos got passed around, and they get left on the countertop. More bottles of wine are opened, and Bonnie and Jane both mysteriously need to disappear to the bathroom at the same time, stealing some quick kisses that aren’t enough on the way, and then they resettle themselves onto the sofas, verging into drunk now, their gestures wider and their voices louder, Maddie wobbling slightly as she almost trips over the end of the couch.

 

There’s a moment of quiet, and Jane just looks around for a second.

 

“That’s what’s weird,” she says, suddenly. “There’s no TV in here.”

 

“Well we try to limit screen time, and the easiest way to do that is to not have one in the corner. There’s one in the den.” 

 

“That’s so weird,” Maddie echoes, looking around like there must be one hiding somewhere.

 

“What are we going to do if we can’t watch some crappy TV none of us will watch?” Renata asks, laughing.

 

“The point is to try to convince us all to connect as people instead of just tuning out of each other and concentrate on something else.”

 

“We should play Never Have I Ever, that would help us connect,” Renata suggests, and there’s a chorus of no’s, because everyone knows it’s the worst game ever.

 

“Spin the Bottle?” Bonnie suggests, laughing, and she’s disappointed to be met with no’s in answer to that too. 

 

“You can’t go wrong with Truth or Dare,” Celeste says, head drooping against Renata, who wraps her arm around her, lets herself push some hair out of her eyes, and hopes no one notices the soft smile on her face that she can’t control as Celeste sinks against her.

 

“I’m up for that,” Jane says, watching Renata, smiling a little, turning to Maddie who hasn’t noticed, who’s nodding in consideration.

 

“Who goes first?” She asks.

 

“I will,” Renata says, bravely, and Jane rolls her eyes because they’re so predictable, honestly, Renata rising to any and all challenges that could possibly be construed as towards her, Maddie doing the same, just back and forth constantly.

 

“Okay, truth or dare?” Maddie asks, and Renata doesn’t even consider it.

 

“Dare.”

 

“Kiss Maddie for one minute,” Celeste interrupts before anyone can come up with anything, before Maddie can unleash whatever she had planned, knowing that Renata would say exactly that, and there’s an audible snap as she closes her mouth. Renata stands up and so does Maddie, and she puts her hands carefully on her waist, Maddie’s falling on her shoulders, like they’re about to slow dance, and then she goes up on tiptoes and Renata leans down and kisses her. It’s a slow kiss, like they’re not sure what each other is comfortable with, but Jane sees Renata’s white knuckles, her fists balled up in Maddie’s shirt, sees the way that Maddie’s arms tighten around her neck. No one remembers to time them, and it feels like three hours have gone past by the time they pull away from each other, Maddie’s pink lipstick on Renata’s lips, and she reaches up with a soft laugh to try to wipe it off, Renata’s hands still locked around her shirt, and Jane feels like she hasn’t breathed in the last five minutes. She feels like they all take a deep breath when they step away, cheeks flushed and eyes slightly glassy, and Jane mentally slaps herself for wishing that she knew how either of them kissed, that she’d get to find out.

 

“Okay, Bonnie’s next,” Renata says, after she’s sat back down and tugged on her ponytail a little, when she feels like she can breathe again.

 

“Truth,” she says, and they look around at each other, wondering what they don’t know, and Renata smiles, but it’s kind of evil, it has an edge.

 

“Who was the last person you kissed?”

 

“Oh, uh,” she steals a look at Jane, who looks as panicked as she does, and Maddie just looks confused, like she knows she’s missing something, eyebrows raised. Bonnie doesn’t lie, no matter how unhelpful a situation it is, no matter how much it doesn’t help her, no matter the consequences. “Jane.”

 

Maddie looks between them, several times, and then she narrows her eyes. “So all of those times you just “happened” to go to the bathroom together? You were making out?” They both nod, somewhat miserably, and she rolls her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

 

“I was just worried about your reaction, about what you’d do,” Jane says, quietly, looking into her glass like it’ll magically whisk her out of this situation.

 

“I don’t care! You’re adults!” She looks like she’s revving up to explode, like she’s about to go into a Maddie diatribe, and Bonnie interrupts.

 

“It’s your turn.”

 

“What?” she narrows her eyes again. “We’re talking about this later.”

 

“That’s fine. Truth or dare?”

 

“Dare.”

 

“Okay, kiss Jane for one minute,” Bonnie almost smiles, but she stays composed, and Jane just stares at her for a long moment, then Maddie stands up, and she does too. She copies Renata, puts her hands carefully on her waist, and Maddie has to tiptoe again, and Jane just marvels, because she’s so, so tiny, but she knows how powerful she is, how she can make pretty much anyone do anything she wants. She knows her power, knows her worth, and yet she’s wrapped up in this tiny person, this tiny person that latches herself onto Jane in the middle of the night, who feels that she can’t trust, who thinks that everyone will betray her in the end, this person that always, always has to be able to stand on her own two feet. She remembers why she’s here, tries not to get distracted by the pink that’s smudged around her lips, remembers that she kissed Renata not ten minutes ago with something that feels like a jolt. She leans, and Maddie does too, reaching for her, her hand cupping the back of her neck to pull her down, and the world doesn’t stand still, but it’s soft, tentative, and she can’t help wrapping her hands around the span of her back, can’t help her fingers digging in, because she feels like she’s holding on for dear life, somehow, like this could be it. She realises that every kiss with each of them will be different, will be some sort of expression of their relationship, and that this isn’t the white-knuckled barely reined in thing that Renata has with Maddie, isn’t what she has with Bonnie, won’t be what Celeste has with Renata.

 

Maddie’s the one that pulls away, that looks up at her, flushed, that bites her lip, her arms still around her neck, and Jane wants to kiss her again, to kiss her slowly and softly and pull her apart. She wants to love her, to show her what she means to her, and they slowly pull apart, not looking past each other, not commenting on the silence that follows. Maddie coughs, and they take their seats, not touching, Jane leaning towards Celeste like she’s worried about what will follow, like she doesn’t trust herself.

 

“Jane, it’s your turn,” she says, clearing her throat, smoothing her hair like she doesn’t know what to do with herself.

 

“Truth,” she decides that one kiss is enough for now, that she doesn’t want Maddie getting any ideas, but everyone looks like they don’t know what to ask her, and she almost laughs because that's it, her secrets are out, she's not sure they could be any more out.

 

“Have you ever had a girlfriend before?” Madeline settles on, and she laughs.

 

“I did once, a long time ago,” she shrugs. “It didn’t work out, you know?” Everyone nods, because they know all about relationships not working out. “Celeste’s turn. Truth or dare?”

 

She covers her face, smiling. “Ugh, fine, dare.”

 

“Take your top off,” Maddie pipes up, grinning, and everyone turns to her, scandalised, and she shrugs. “What? Kissing or undressing, the two dares that everyone always chooses.”

 

Celeste laughs, and she looks embarrassed, but she does it, without saying anything, and she doesn’t shrink from the attention, let’s them pretend like they’re not looking at her, let’s them pretend like they just think that’s a really pretty bra.

 

“Renata? Truth or dare?” she says, and Renata practically shakes her head to snap back to attention, and Jane laughs, quietly, because she knows she’s exactly the same, because she knows that sometimes women are just so distracting you can’t help it.

 

“Truth,” she says, eventually, and when she looks at Celeste she’s got the smuggest look on her face, because Renata wasn’t subtle and she’s not going to pretend like she doesn’t enjoy the attention, because she knows the effect that she has on people, she knows that she’s the kind of woman people write books about. Usually it annoys her, being unable to walk down the street without someone double-taking, but she wants this, wants them to see her as attractive, wants them to look at her in the way that she can’t help but look at them in.

 

“Are you any secret relationships you didn’t tell me about too?” Maddie asks, joking, and when she sees Renata’s face she looks like she’s about to go into full Maddie meltdown all over again.

 

“Uh, well, me and Celeste, the other day, you know,” she shrugged, waved her hands around, while Celeste covered her face again.

 

“No I don’t “know”,” she says. “Why don’t you tell me?”

 

“I’m not sure you want the details, Maddie,” Celeste says, hoping she’s not blushing even though she’s gone bright pink.

 

“Oh my God, did you sleep together?!” she asks, and Celeste groans.

 

“You only get one question from that truth, Maddie,” Renata reminds her, and she gasps.

 

“You so did! I can't believe you didn't tell me!”

 

“If you have to know, we didn't.” Celeste interrupts before Maddie can continue, before she can wind herself up, and truth or dare continues, and they all wonder how many things they're going to have distracted Maddie from by tomorrow, how many things they're going to have to talk about later.

 

Later, when they’re drunk, and truth or dare has dissolved into talking, and most of them aren’t wearing shirts (this is largely Maddie’s fault, and they’d soon learnt to give up on choosing dare), someone has the smart idea to ransack Bonnie’s records, and that somehow turns into them all but Jane dancing around Bonnie’s living room, and Jane’s thinking about how warm, how pleased, how pleasant she feels, how loved. She realises that she feels loved, right here in this room with Maddie freaking out periodically, and Maddie doesn’t even freak out when Renata kisses Celeste, right in front of her, doesn’t even say anything (Jane thinks that she maybe didn’t notice, that she wasn’t paying attention).

 

“You know, I’ve thought about it,” Maddie announces, slurring, when the record ends, while Renata’s rummaging around looking for someone else to put on.

 

“Hmm?” Celeste asks, leaning on her, Maddie’s arm thrown around her shoulders.

 

“I think we should make a go of it.”

 

“Of what?” Renata asks, head still in the cupboard, and Maddie slides further down the couch, dragging Celeste with her, so she’s leaning on Jane.

 

“Of us. This. The whole thing,” she says vaguely, waving her hands around and almost spilling wine down Jane’s front.

 

“You mean the five of us together. Like, gay together?” Jane attempts, squinting at her, taking another sip of her wine.

 

“Yeah! I mean, we’re practically there, already right?” she giggles. “I have a shirtless woman lying on me!”

 

“You do,” Celeste agrees sagely. “That sounds not very straight to me.”

 

“I mean I would… Definitely be into that,” Jane says, eloquently, and Bonnie nods and Renata drifts over.

 

“I have been pulling your pigtails since we first met, apparently,” she says, and Maddie looks at her for a long moment and then gasps.

 

“You have! You totally have! We both have!”

 

“I can’t believe it took you that long to notice,” Bonnie says, grinning, and she’s wobbling slightly but she’s fine, she’s good, she doesn’t have to close one eye to concentrate on Maddie’s face.

 

“Wait so this whole time…” she trails off, gasps again. “I’ve literally been thinking we were friends while I’ve been flirting with you the whole time!”

 

“Maddie, I really feel like you should have noticed that before now,” Jane says, carding her fingers through Maddie’s hair absentmindedly, just thinking about how pretty girls are, how they smell good all the time and look good all the time, and these are the kind of women who drunkenly compliment each other in public toilets, who are her favourite kind of girls. They’re all glittery, less ostentatiously than Maddie, who is the glitteriest girl she’s ever seen, but they’re levels of glittery, different kinds. She kisses Maddie on the top of her head, bumping her with her chin in the process, but Maddie just looks up at her with a smile, pecks her on the lips, just quickly, softly, and she can’t help the hand that rises to touch her lips after. She forgot the amazement that surrounds her feelings for these women, she forgets it whenever she’s not paying attention, when she’s not right here in the middle of them.

 

“Well how was I supposed to?” she asks. “There’s no rulebook for bisexual women who have been married to men twice and didn’t notice that they’ve been kind of in love with their best friend for years.”

 

Celeste laughs, fake pouting. “Only kind of?”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” is all Maddie says, swooping down to place a kiss on her lips as dramatically as she can. “You know I love you. I love all of you. Oh my God I even love Renata,” she says quietly, almost to herself, and they all laugh.

 

“Of course you do,” Celeste says, easily, sleepily. “You love a challenge.”

 

“Wait, are you on board with this? This group parenting group relationship, thing?” Maddie suddenly asks, and Celeste chuckles, lazily.

 

“I believe it’s called being in a polyamorous relationship, and of course I am. I trust you all, I love you all, somehow we all have chemistry, I don’t know why.”

 

“Renata?” she asks, and Bonnie briefly thinks about how weird this is, Maddie being the one that checks in on them all, and then she curls up in the space between Jane and the arm of the sofa, and she gets distracted by Jane messing with her undercut, and she thinks she hears Jane mutter something about how  _ soft _ it is.

 

“I love you guys,” she says, easily, throwing Celeste’s legs over her so that Celeste somehow has eighty percent of the couch. “And honestly I’ve had some of the best kisses of my life tonight, so I’m not gonna say no to more of that,” she giggles and the others aw and Maddie turns to Bonnie, turning her head almost upside down on Jane’s chest, ignoring that she drinks and gets her wine glass in the way.

 

“Bonnie?” she asks, and Bonnie grins, slow and lazy and pleased, like a cat stretching.

 

“There’s nowhere I’d rather be than with you four. And there’s nothing wrong with sleeping with all the people you have chemistry with you can.”

 

“That’s a good life philosophy to have,” Jane says, laughing.

 

“And Jane? Although honestly I think we all had already noticed that you were in love with us.” Jane blushes, and laughs, and doesn’t mind, but thinks that that’ll be really embarrassing in the morning.

 

“I’d noticed,” Celeste volunteers, waving her hand in the air and almost knocking Maddie’s wine flying, which was precariously balanced on her shoulder, supported loosely by Maddie’s hand.

 

“I had too,” Renata admits.

 

“Wow am I gonna find that embarrassing tomorrow,” she laughs, shrugging. “That’s tomorrow me’s problem. Right now we have to decide on spooning order,” she laughs into her wine, and Maddie rolls her eyes.

 

“Well I’m in the middle, obviously.”

 

They wake up slowly, one by one, in various positions across Bonnie’s bed with various numb limbs, and eventually they all brush their teeth, get some water and some painkillers, and then they just lie around, not really doing anything, too hungover and miserable to do anything else. Celeste finds her shirt, finally, and Maddie gives up on ever finding that one pair of shorts ever again, and Bonnie ends up retrieving some completely different clothes out of the wardrobe (they’re never playing truth or dare with Maddie ever again). By noon it suddenly hits Bonnie that she should maybe ask what happened after they went to bed, because she remembers draining her glass of wine and then… not really anything else.

 

“So, in the interests of honesty, something which I fully support,” she begins, and there’s the sound of several people rolling to look at her, including Maddie who’s lying across everyone’s legs at the bottom of the bed, Bonnie’s duvet completely untucked so she can stick her head out. “What actually happened when we went to bed last night?”

 

“Wait… You remember the conversation where we like. Agreed to do this thing right?” Jane asks, uncertain, and everyone tries out sitting up for the results of this conversation.

 

“Oh. I don’t think so.”

 

“Yeah, uh we went round and basically told each other we love everyone and that it was good with all of us,” Jane looks around at them, at these women that have become her family, and she suddenly panics, that maybe they were just drunk, that they’d regret it. “We are all still good with that, right?”

 

“Of course, sweetheart,” Maddie says comfortingly, stretching forwards to rub her leg and shoot her a smile, and Jane relaxes again as everyone else nods, as Celeste kisses her shoulder, as Renata reaches to stroke her back.

 

“So we sorted everything out? We’re all together now?” she asks, just to clarify, is met by a bunch of nods. “And after that?”

 

“You know… I think that might be more of a show you, kind of thing,” Maddie says, flirting as hard as she can, and they all laugh.

 

“You’re gonna have to come up here, then,” Renata says, and that’s definitely a smirk, and Maddie laughs as she moves up, and then it’s awkward for a moment, as everyone wonders how to do this sober, how making out works when there’s five of you. Jane kisses her first, like it’s a prelude, like they’re easing her in with something she’s familiar with, and she smiles, and it’s slow and lazy because they're tired, and Jane doesn't really want to pull away but she knows that it's only fair, and Bonnie is a big stickler for fairness.

 

Maddie takes her turn next, sitting in front of her, cupping her face, being a kind of gentle that Bonnie didn't quite expect but she knows that Maddie, underneath the fire, is someone who cares deeply and hugely and loves fiercely in a way that isn't always expressed with hunger.

 

She kisses Celeste, as Jane kisses Maddie, and can feel Renata sat beside them, and she breaks away, turns to kiss her too, quickly, and softly, and it doesn't go any further than that, any further than the five of them lazily reclining, occasionally trading kisses, and it just feels like an extension of what they had before. It feels the kind of natural that Bonnie preaches to her yoga classes, the kind that makes her feel tethered and warm and ready for what the universe throws at her.

 

Jane wakes up again, later, when she hears someone open the front door, and she wishes that still didn't startle her awake, relaxes when she hears what she's pretty sure is Nathan humming as he enters the kitchen, and he knocks before he walks in, waits for Bonnie’s come in, which she only gives after they’ve all nodded.

 

“Hey guys,” his grin widens when he notices them all squashed together, Renata wiping sleep out of her eyes and Celeste yawning, when he notices the tangles of limbs and the way that he can barely tell what leg belongs to whom. “Good date night then?”

 

“The best,” Madeline replies, sleepily, not removing her head from where she's got it tucked against Renata’s neck, and Renata smiles as she feels the curl of her lips against her skin, smiles as she feels Maddie smile.

 

“Worth those hangovers and the state of those burnt cookies?”

 

“Definitely,” Celeste says, stretching, and Jane thinks how a pampered cat would somehow be a perfect metaphor for her, for the lazy curl and stretch of her limbs, for the way that she looks soft but she knows there's muscle underneath, knows from when her and Renata threw Bonnie onto the bed amidst giggles last night, knows from how tightly Celeste can wrap her arms around her.

 

“We ate your Doritos,” Bonnie adds. “And I threw out the cookies so I guess you'll have to eat our burnt ones,” she's smug as she says it and he just rolls his eyes.

 

“I'll just find somewhere else to hide them,” he says, shrugging, and Bonnie laughs. 

 

“I know babe.”

 

“Is Mom in there?” Abigail asks in the background, and she emerges into the doorway and doesn't even look surprised.

 

“Hi baby,” Madeline says with a smile, sitting up slowly.

 

“How hungover are you?” she asks, laughing, and Maddie laughs.

 

“Hungover enough to still be in bed at whatever time it is,” she says, and Abigail doesn't even pretend to be surprised to find them all in there, together, and Maddie guesses that she knew about the whole poly thing before she did, that Bonnie and Nathan had been as honest with her as they could be.

 

“I can’t believe you had a wilder night than I did,” she complains, sitting at the end of the bed, and Maddie reaches over, rubbing her face with one hand and Abigail’s arm with the other.

 

“Did you not have fun?”

 

“No, I did, I just,” she shrugs. “I didn’t wake up with four girlfriends, did I?” she laughs at Maddie’s reaction, and Maddie rolls her eyes.

 

“Honestly, I’m not sure you’d want to, they’re a lot of work,” she says, and they all reach over to swat her on the arm. “Four against one isn’t fair you guys,” she complains, but it’s weak, and Abigail rolls her eyes and stands up.

 

“I’ll see you whenever you feel up to emerging from a dark room,” she says, and Maddie just flops her arm at her in goodbye, flopping back against the pillows and almost landing on Jane.

 

“What time even is it?” Renata asks, and Bonnie checks her phone, because she’s somehow the only one who managed to put it on charge last night.

 

“Oh, it’s half four.”

 

“I should probably relieve Ed from those hordes of children,” Maddie whines, but she just curls up into Renata again, and none of them move until it actually gets dark, and then there’s bickering over the shower to be had and Bonnie telling them not to be wasteful, that clean water is a precious resource, telling them about countries that don’t have any, about people that walk miles and miles for it as she finds towels (Maddie still spends half a century in there, like always, but when she gets out of the bathroom she looks as though she didn’t drink anything at all last night).

 

At some point Maddie starts calling everyone babe, and then somehow it catches on, and then they’re on the beach and it’s just everyone ending every sentence with babe for an adult and sweetheart or baby for a kid, and Jane wonders if it’s an adult thing, this overuse of endearments, like you reach a certain point and suddenly a sentence isn’t complete without one, but she draws the line when she almost says “oh honey” to her mom. They pack a picnic, and plenty of towels, and they go down to the water somewhere far away from anywhere that they’ve been with anyone else, a place that they deemed “their spot” after what happened with Perry, all that time ago.

 

They exchange kisses over coleslaw and potato salad and cocktail sausages, and it feels like they’re on holiday, most days feel like they’re on holiday. Sometimes Jane has nightmares, sometimes Celeste does, occasionally Renata wakes up in the middle of the night, shoots bolt upright and whispers about a board meeting she missed, and they work it out. The moms do notice, eventually. There’s a petition, something about it being an unhealthy environment to bring kids up in, but everyone stops when they remind them that all of these kids have five moms and a couple of step-dads, that they’re getting brought up by people from a range of backgrounds, by people with different parenting methods and different approaches to life, and the petition disappears. Sometimes all of them show up to collect their kids after school, sometimes it’s just Maddie and Jane, and Jane looks at Ziggy and she can’t believe she’s in a world where they’re loved by so many people, that they found their family and it was so much bigger than she’d ever hoped. It’s awkward in Blue Bells sometimes, because Tom never knows what to do when her and Maddie kiss while stood at the counter, because suddenly it does feel like everyone’s on the outside looking in, even if he had known Maddie for significantly longer than Jane had. It works, this situation they’ve found themselves in, and Jane never thought she’d be trying to roll Renata over in her sleep because she keeps snoring in her ear. Ultimately, they love each other, and they love each other’s kids, and somewhere along the way Maddie even forgives Nathan, maybe, mostly, or that just doesn’t matter anymore, because they’re happy, way happier than they ever expected.


End file.
